Jocelyn's Impression
by FreakyWeird
Summary: First impressions matter to Jocelyn, she is stubborn in her opinion but caring and thoughtful as well. She doesn't trust Valentine Morgernstern, she watches him manipulate and hurt people, but when she see's him hurting himself can she help but care?


**So, this is a Valentine and Jocelyn fanfic. I've always been interested in how Valentine was when he was a not-so-evil-kinda-guy, so, here it is. Beginnings of the circle. One shot.**

**Jocelyn point of view.**

**~Jocelyn's Impression~**

I wandered to Luke's room. I was early, he had asked me not to come today, but I was bored. The others girls were interested in boys and makeup and gossip, and sure, I can't say I didn't get caught up in the love affairs of others, but sometimes I just needed a genuine conversation about nothing really. One of those that you always remember. Luke's the one to go to for those.

But there was a problem. Luke had stopped being available. I called it Valentines Fan Club. When school first started Luke hadn't settled. He hadn't gotten exited over the niceness of the place, the socialising hub and the vast knowledge we could learn. Because it had taken a while to adjust, when he did he hadn't gotten the right connections. Luke had become isolated and despite my best efforts to get him in the right circles, he was behind in both his studied and with making new friends.

But then Luke had gotten into a circle. Raziel's Circle. And it was lead by Valentine.

I didn't like Valentine ever since I first saw him, swaggering about and acting cocky. I knew he was bad news, a manipulator to the core. Of course, all of the girls wanted him and fell at his feet, but that's the thing about being an artist, you can tell the real from the fake.

I hadn't worried about Luke getting mixed up with him until it had happened. He came to my room one night exited about Valentine helping him. They had spent all day together studying and Luke had achieved a lot in the short space of time.

I should have warned him then, should have told him all the bad things I had heard, even though they were few and far between. But Luke was actually smiling and joking, he had someone to befriend other than me at last. And I couldn't deny that Valentine had helped Luke immensely.

I remember thinking, _Really, how bad can it get?_ Valentine was just helping Luke after all. But then Valentine took in another person, and another. They were all people who were struggling, whose self esteem was low. I had seen it from the beginning; Valentine was making sure he was surrounding himself in people who would think the world of Valentine with very little effort on his part.

Before I knew it they had this Circle thing going on. They may have not been popular, but they had brains and they knew what they were doing. I was scared at how obsessive they were all becoming, not with just whatever devious little thing Valentine had cooked up, but with Valentine himself.

I had never hated Valentine more. I had never been more possessive of Luke. I started to fight with him, because we hardly spent time together. I had managed to convince him to let me come around tonight, I had just got back from the holidays, and Luke hadn't come home stating that his workload was getting too heavy. I suspected that he was doing some of Valentines for him.

I was sick of the girls. Sick of this circle. I just wanted old Luke back.

I reached Luke's room, where their 'meeting' was going on. I checked my watch, I was five minutes early. I waited outside Luke's room, sitting on one of the couches in the common room. I bit my lip and stared at the door, I knew I shouldn't but I couldn't resist.

I got back up and tiptoed to the room, trying to catch what they were doing. I was prepared to press my ear against the door but I didn't have to, I could hear several feet from the door the yelling. Whoever it was shouting, they were screaming themselves hoarse.

Goosebumps erupted across my arms and I turned, running away from the door. That voice had just had raw pain in it, fear and hatred. I paused as I passed the couch on my way out. My instincts were telling me to get the hell out of here, but I couldn't leave Luke. He must be terrified; if I was that scared outside the door what was it like in there? Facing the yeller?

I cautiously approached the door, scared out of my wits if it opened and they came outside. I gnawed my lip, my active imagination providing an image of inside all too easily.

Behind the door, something smashed. Suddenly, all of my fear for myself disappeared and all I could think was _oh my angel Luke's hurt!_

I couldn't stand that, the thought of Luke being hurt while I cowered on the other side of the door. Anger surged in me; whoever had hurt Luke was going to pay.

I opened the door, my hand shaking with rage as it closed on the door handle. I opened the door. Valentine was in the middle of the room, everyone in his precious circle was cowering against the walls, all accept Luke, who was stood in front of Valentine with a pleading expression on his face. The table, which I presumed had been in the middle of the room, was on its side on the other side of the room. There were shards of a vase on the floor.

I froze, staring at the shards of pottery. I recognised the design, that had been Luke's grandmother's vase. It was one of the most expensive things Luke's family owned, and Valentine had just thrown it against the wall in a hissy fit.

"What do you want?" snarled Valentine.

My gaze snapped up and met his, my jaw dropped in astonishment, "What do _I_ want? What do you want _Valentine?_ Did you just throw this and break it?" I demanded, pointing at the vase.

"Yes," Valentine said, frowning at the vase as if he hadn't realised what he was chucking when he did. There was no remorse or regret on his face.

Luke knew what was going on in my mind. Outside, I might have had a look of extreme shock on my face, but inside I was raging. "Jocelyn-," He said.

Valentine cut him off, "Why does it matter?"

I threw my hands in the air, "WHAT? Are you kidding me?" Not only had he smashed one of Luke's most prized possessions he disrespected him. "Who do you think you are? How dare you come in here, expected everyone to grovel at your feet and ruin someone's things in a hissy fit?"

"Jocelyn, it doesn't matter," Luke said, fear and worry evident in his voice.

I cocked one hip, "Really? Look at it Luke, it's your grandmothers vase! How can you not care? You're still calm with him after what he did?"

"Hey!" A small voice said. I turned around; Maryse was standing up from her crouched position against the wall. She towered over me, but that didn't matter. She carried on, "You shouldn't talk about Valentine like that, you don't even know him."

"Yeah, and I don't want to!" I shouted, "I know enough that he thinks he's so brilliant he think he can ravage his friends antique vases worth more than your whole house and not apologise in the least." I turned back to Valentine, "I mean really, who do you think you are? You may pass off as the golden boy in others eyes Valentine Morgenstern, but you aren't worth _dirt_ to me!"

I turned and picked up the shards of the vase. Everyone was silent as I collected them, and then hurried out of the room.

**~Jocelyn's Stubbornness~**

I was in art, carefully repairing Luke's vase. It wouldn't be worth as much anymore, but it would still hold sentimental value to him, hopefully. I was leaning in close, carefully applying glue and setting the piece back together, I was so absorbed in my work I didn't see someone sit down across my desk.

When I leaned back out I jumped when I saw Luke sitting across from me, "Hey, you scared me to death!" I said.

I faltered when I saw Luke glaring at me, "I hope you're happy," he said bitterly, "You did what you wanted."

I frowned, "Luke, what's wrong?"

"You! What you did the other day!" He said, gripping the edges of the table hard.

I raised my eyebrows, "What, stop Valentine walking all over you?"

Luke's nostrils flared, "He wasn't walking all over me!"

"What was he doing then Luke? Was he, or was he not screaming in your face? Was he, or was he not, acting violently and threatening you?" I snarled.

Luke recoiled, "You listened in?"

"What? Of course not! I walked in!" I said.

Luke shook his head in disbelief, "I can't believe you!"

"What do you mean?" I asked him, hurt at the daggers he was sending my way.

"How impulsive you are! How thoughtless! Valentine wasn't just having a 'hissy fit'! His dad died, he was upset, I was trying to calm him down. Angels Jocelyn, do you ever think about anybody else other than yourself?" Luke ranted.

Tears sprung in my eyes, "Of course I do Luke. But you didn't see me going into a rage to deal with grief. Valentine shouldn't have done what he did. Has he even apologised?" I asked.

Luke shook his head in disgust, "He hasn't even spoken to me since. He's been to none of our meetings, he avoids me at school. He acts like I don't even exist! I hope your happy Jocelyn," Luke said, standing up, "You've just lost me my two best friends. I don't think it's a good idea if we hang about anymore."

And with that he walked off, leaving me feeling worthless. I wiped away the tears rolling down my cheeks, glancing about to see if anyone saw. People were looking at me and whispering to the people next to them. I wrapped up the shards and then hurried out of the room, ignoring my tutor's calls.

I had to get Luke back. I had to, I couldn't live without Luke. I thought about talking to him, but I knew deep down he wouldn't believe me. I had to show him how sorry I was, so I swallowed my pride, and went to find Valentine.

Once I found out where his class was I waited outside for the bell to ring. When it did I stood straight and waited for everyone to walk past. People glared at me as they came out of the class room. Valentine didn't come out. I peered into the room; it was empty except for the teacher.

"He's in the training room," said a girl behind me.

I turned around; there were two girls down the corridor. They were both a year older than me. The one who didn't speak hissed and smacked her friend on the arm, "You shouldn't have told her."

The other girl just looked at me dubiously, "You better be looking to apologise. You did a horrible thing the other day, I hope you know. His father died, who cares about a vase?" With that they both walked off.

_It was worth more than that stupid diamond necklace you're wearing_ I wanted to yell at her. Didn't she know a thing about how important art is to shadow hunter history?

I sighed and walked off to the training room. Each skill level is applied to a training room. Valentine and Luke were some of the best at fighting. As I walked cautiously through the upper level training room I cast a wary glance around. There were weapons, as in actual, you-can-kill-yourself-with-these-swords weapons. Already named swords gleamed from brackets on the wall along with weapons I didn't even know the slightest bit how to use.

They were beautiful. Deadly, but beautiful. I cast another glance around, the whole place was empty. I started to walk out of the room, cursing myself for taking the advice of a girl who clearly hates me, but the gleaming of the glass weapons was too tempting. I gnawed my lip and wandered closer to them, appreciating the way they shone and how sharp they were like none of the people who used them would.

I reached out a careful hand; wanting to run my fingers across the bumps of the runes set into the handle, when a voice said behind me, "Careful, you can cut yourself."

I squeaked and spun around, Valentine was leaning against a wall, watching me with an upraised eyebrow. He was shirtless; I quickly gave him a glance. I had seen prettier things. Though deep down, I knew I hadn't.

I gulped, he didn't look happy to see me at all. Suddenly forgetting what I came for I turned back to the swords, "You use these?"

"Yeah," he said from right behind me. I hadn't even heard him walk. He reached up and took a sword down, then started to swing it in circles, using his hands and arms to use it in ways I hadn't even thought possible. The way the blade cut through the air was kind of hypnotising. Valentine continued on, "We don't use the pretty ones, these are just for show. Once blood has gotten onto a blade it dims the light a lot. Makes it next to useless."

I watched him, fascinated as he played with the deadly weapon, "Where did you come from anyway? I couldn't see you anywhere," My eyes went to his when he paused in his sword work.

"You need to notice things other than the pretty stuff Jocelyn," I startled as he said my name, I didn't even know he knew it. He looked up, and I followed his gaze. My breath caught, the ceiling was cavernous, and up high were rafters. The message was clear, he had been up there. Which meant he had been watching me from the moment I came in the room.

"What did you want?" He asked, his head coming back down to earth and looking at me.

I took a deep breath, organising my scattered thoughts, "I came to apologise."

"Why?" He asked immediately, "You don't seem the type to swallow your pride."

I glared at his accurate description of my personality, "It's in exchange for something." I paused, and he raised his eyebrows. I gritted my teeth, I could do this. "I want you to befriend Luke again, my behaviour isn't his fault. You shouldn't start ignoring him for the way I treated you."

"Hmm," Valentine said, breezing past me to replace the blade onto the wall, "I've been distracted."

"You don't say," I commented, "Never mind, I shouldn't have come." I started to walk towards the door, annoyed with myself for losing my best friend_ and_ my dignity.

"Don't leave," He muttered.

I froze, and then spun around. Valentine had a look of horror on his face. "I, I mean-," he stuttered.

"Yeah?" I asked, cocking a hip.

A look of defeat entered his eyes, "You're the only one that hasn't been giving me this look of pity," He said, sitting in the middle of the mat on the floor. He sighed, leaning back on his hands, "It's refreshing. You don't treat me like... like I'm this amazing guy."

"Aren't you?" I asked sarcastically. Despite myself, I got interested in him and sat next to him.

He frowned at me, "You saw what I did to Luke's room."

I glared at him, "I saw what you did to Luke." Valentine looked at me sharply, so I continued, "You upset him. Put him in a difficult position with his family, you didn't even apologise for the way you acted. Then you hurt his feelings by not talking to him."

"Like I said, I've been distracted," Valentine repeated.

"That doesn't give you the right to-," I cut off. My shoulders drooped, "Sorry, I'm supposed to be apologising."

Valentine smirked, "Yeah. You go off on a tangent a lot don't you?"

I glared at his second accurate description of my personality. He grinned at me, showing me a canine that was too far forward. "Carry on," he asked me.

I sighed, "I don't know if I should."

"Why?" he asked.

I bit my lip again, "I know that you and Luke spend a lot of time together, but how close are you?"

Valentine frowned at me, "We're planning on being parabatai."

That took me by surprise, "Luke never told me."

"He was worried that you wanted to be his as well, I think," Valentine said. "But carry on" he urged.

I bit my lip again, "Okay. Don't tell Luke I told you this, because I'm not sure he would want me to. Luke's isn't one of the richest families, and that vase was his Grandmas. It was a thirteenth century Galachi Vase, in other words, one of the rarest vase's in the world. I was saying that being in grief doesn't give you the right to ruin other people's lives. Luke has to tell his family now, and I bet he takes the blame for it."

Valentine pursed his lips, "I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one you should be saying sorry too. I'm supposed to be saying sorry to you, I didn't know your father passed away," I automatically reached out and held his hand, the way I always did when comforting someone.

Valentine gave a pointed look and I quickly let go. He gave a bitter laugh, his face suddenly falling, "Sorry, I'm not used to being comforted. Most people are intimidated by me and the rest... Let's just say I'm not used to it."

I shrugged, "I'm overly used to it. Sometimes you're comforted so much, when you need it the comfort doesn't change how you feel like it should."

Valentine grinned at this statement. Then his face turned thoughtful, "Do you need comforting."

I shrugged, "Not really, no."

Valentine sat up and leaned towards me, "So, you want me to apologise to Luke?"

"No," I corrected, "You_ need _to apologise."

Valentine scrubbed the back of his head, "Okay."

I was taken aback, "That's it?"

"What?" Valentine asked eyes wide.

I watched him suspiciously, "No dragging this out, making me feel dignityless?"

"Dignityless?" Valentine repeated incredulously, a grin stretching his face.

"It's a word!" I defended myself.

"I'm pretty sure it's not," Valentine stood up again.

"Is too!" my voice rose to the sound of a small squeaky mouse as I stood up.

He looked at me sceptically. I just growled and stalked off.

"Hey," Valentine called out to me. I turned around and looked at him. He was watching me carefully, in all seriousness, "Thank you."

I frowned, "For what?"

"Not letting me be an ass," he shrugged.

I paused and then just nodded and started to walk off. Then I paused and turned back around, "You know, Luke's a great listener. I know you seem like a guy who acts rather than talks but... how about you leave the vases alone, okay?"

Valentine watched me carefully before saying, "It pains you to see art damaged doesn't it?"

I froze and looked at him incredulously before spinning around and muttering, "What is it with the character analysis with you?" loud enough for him to hear as I stalked out of the training room.

***Jocelyn's Nature***

I bit my lip as I knocked on Luke's door and gripped the newly fixed vase in my hands. You could hardly see the cracks, but the hair line fissures were there. Nowhere near had what it used to be worth, but I done my best. Hopefully it would be enough.

The door opened and I looked up, "Hey-," my voice died in my throat. Stood in front of me was Valentine, looking at me in surprise. "You're not Luke," I blurted.

"Jocelyn?" Luke appeared next to Valentines shoulder. He glared at me. I immediately looked down at my feet. Luke had never treated me like this, not when I fought with my parents and took it out on him or bailed on him to hang with my girls. I hated it.

"What do you want?" Luke snarled.

"Take it easy," I heard Valentine mutter under his breath. My head snapped up. Luke was looking between me and Valentine and Valentine, well, I didn't really want to look at Valentine right now.

I thrust the vase towards Luke. "I tried my best, I mean, the teacher helped. It's the best I could do I just... I-," I sighed as I saw Luke looking at it in confusion. "Never mind, I just... I'll leave."

I was already outside his dorms when he caught up with me.

"Jocelyn wait!" I turned around to face Luke as he came to a stop in front of me. He was still holding the vase, "Thanks. I shouldn't have treated you like that and, and thanks for what you've done even though you did nothing wrong... it's my fault and I shouldn't have let it get that far."

I sucked in a sharp breath and chuckled humourlessly. And to think I'd almost gotten caught up in his web. When I saw Valentine in the training room, I'd thought he was okay. He was hurting, and yeah he did react violently. But here Luke was, taking _his_ blame. Classic.

"What?" Luke asked sharply.

I wanted to scream at him _why do you think it's your fault? It's Valentines! You didn't break the vase!_ But I just shrugged, "Nothing. You're a good friend Luke. Except of course that you didn't tell me you were planning on being someone's parabatai?" I joked and playfully hit him on the arm. Thankfully he went with the topic change.

He looked sheepish, "Yeah sorry about that."

"You better not keep me out the loop Lucian Graymark! I want every detail of this life changing event, you got that!" I grinned, "Go on. Go hang with your PBat."

"PBat?" Luke laughed.

I grinned, "See you at dinner tomorrow?" I waited for his nod before waving good bye to him.

I went to bed in high spirits, but the anger was still there, simmering.

Over the next few weeks I fought a battle with myself. My newly re-established relationship with Luke meant that I was spending more time with not only him, but with Valentine. I kept telling myself that I didn't like him, I couldn't trust him and that he would manipulate me. He couldn't help it. But I could see that he was hurting, he was hurting bad. And I just wanted to make it better.

It was my nature.

I walked in on more than a few fits. He was angry, at whom I didn't know, but he was taking it out on Luke and the others. One time after one of these fits we were all sat around Valentines room, ignoring the awkward underlay to the atmosphere, pretending to relax and that it was all okay.

Maryse yawned, "I'm going to go to bed. I have a performance tomorrow to pass my training, ugh! I'll see you guys tomorrow, okay?"

"I'm going to go with," Robert said. He nodded to us and walked out after Maryse, leaving me alone with Luke and Valentine. I twirled the pencil in my hands, looking at the sketch etched onto the paper on my pad. I was sat at the head of Valentines bed, next to Valentine in the corner. I had been lost in my own thoughts until Maryse had spoken.

I sighed, "I should be going as well." I got onto my knees and went to shuffle off of the bed but Valentine grabbed my sketchpad.

"What have you been drawing?" He asked.

I blushed furiously when I realised that, with horror, I had been drawing him. But not the kind of sketch that normally would have boosted his ego, it had been his profile, the brief glimpses I had seen when he thought the others weren't looking, the brief glimpses where his sadness leaked through the cracks.

"I'm going to go; I've just remembered that I need to give Amatis my papers from last year!" Luke exclaimed. Luckily it drew Valentines attention away from my pad.

I drove for it as he said, "Okay then."

He held the pad high in the air as I scrambled for it with ferocity, "What have you been drawing that's got you all flustered I wonder," Valentine hummed as he held my sketchpad up in the air with one hand and held me at bay with the other, holding his palm right over my heart.

I got to my feet and stood up to reach it, stumbled and fell into his lap. But by his face I knew that he'd already seen it. He looked shocked and hurt, like his heart had been ripped out. He couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from it.

I grabbed it, where it was in his loose hand next to him. I shut it and held the book against my chest, and then with embarrassment I realised I was straddling him. My cheeks burned and I scrambled off of him where he sat in numb shock. I shoved my shoes on and grabbed my bag, "Sorry, I shouldn't-, I'll be going."

I practically ran for the door. But as I opened the door I heard him ask softly, "Why?"

I froze and then sighed and shut the door. As soon as it was closed his arm came up over my shoulder and he braced himself against the door. I felt like ham in a sandwich.

I turned around to face him. He looked angry.

"Why Jocelyn. For angels sake why?" He snarled.

I gasped and backed up against the door. I was scared. I was afraid and he saw that. I saw shame flood his eyes and he backed away until he was sat on his bed. The lamp like was the only glow of light in the room and it gave a warm glow to his sharp features.

I didn't move from where I was, flat against the door clutching my sketch pad.

"I don't know. I saw you, how much you were hurting and... I don't know I just drew it."

He held his hand out, his eyes fixed on the sketchpad. Nervously I gave it to him. When he was like this Valentine liked to destroy things, I wasn't too bothered about his drawing, but I hoped he would leave the rest untouched.

He opened the pad and touched his face with gentle fingers. He sat there, still as a stone for ages. When I was finally considering moving he started to speak.

"I miss him. He was... everything. Everything he talked about is what I've taught to my friends. Now what? Now who guides me?" He looked so lost.

"Valentine," I sighed and walked over to him. I put one knee next to him and then put my arms around him, cradling his head. It was like hugging stone but a part of me didn't care. A part of me wanted to take this further. Further than I was comfortable with.

Finally he buried his head into my neck and put his arms around me. My breath whooshed out of my lungs as he gripped me. He was strong, strong enough to limit my breathing. He held me close, putting pressure into where his hands were. I liked it. No one had ever held me this close before. Luke didn't think I was strong enough and no one else had reason to.

"It's just, I'm so angry Jocelyn. At him for getting killed. At the wolf for attacking. At me for not being there. At the clave and their _stupid_ accords. My father didn't deserve to die, people need him, I need him, and now he's not there. People need to pay!" It took me a while to figure out that he wasn't crying. He wasn't sobbing, he was breathing heavily. He was angry. And I was wrapped in his arms.

"I know Valentine. He sounded like a good man, a great man."

Valentine looked up at me. His eyes were sharp and hard and dry. His jaw was clenched in anger but his face was still smooth and flawless.

"I wish he had met you. He would have loved you."

And before I knew it my hand was on his cheek and we were kissing. And it wasn't the sweet and tender kind either. Valentine kissed just as hard and he hugged. I gasped as heat spread through my veins. Sure I had been on edge before, but this was carnal need for release. As the kiss went on and Valentines hands roamed, it just grew and grew and grew.

I brought my other leg up to his other side and one of his hands cupped my ass to stop me falling to the floor. I could feel his heart beat through his shirt. I ran my hand over the short bristles of his hair. It was growing out, more of a mop. I tugged on it slightly, trying to get better access to his mouth. This was kissing at its most intimate.

His hands involuntary tightened, causing his fingers to press into me through the though fabric of my pants. I moaned because that was it, what I wanted to go with the throbbing _want_ I had.

Valentine broke off the kiss and laid back, his chest heaving in heavy pants. His eyes never left mine.

"_Angel_ Jocelyn."

I couldn't even have the decency to feel ashamed. I was just trying to control myself. I was still straddling him, my hands spread out on his chest and abdomen. I could feel his heavy pulse and the hammering of his heart.

I frowned at him, "What the fuck am I doing Valentine?"

We stayed there until we caught our breath and then for a little while longer. Scared of moving further and not wanting to move apart. I didn't understand, I didn't _like_ Valentine, I didn't want him in this way, he was a manipulator and an abuser. When I thought of Valentine I didn't feel like I did right now, I didn't feel carnal and animalistic. The only reason I was in his room is because he was having a rage and I wanted to be there to what? I had been telling myself that it was so that I could protect Luke but was that it? Valentine was hurting, and I couldn't help but want to make that better. And I was only starting to realise that I would do anything to make that better.

I started to babble. "I don't usually act like this; I don't know what came over me. I wouldn't do this; this is, well, certainly not what I would call decent. I have more respect than that, for you and for myself, than for me throwing myself at people, and you, well your-,"

"Jocelyn?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up," He sighed.

"Okay."

I slid off of him and grabbed my bag from where I had dropped it. I also grabbed my sketch pad from where he'd dropped it at his feet. After a moment's hesitation I opened it and ripped my drawing of him and held it out to him.

He glanced at it, "Keep it. It's impressive. Just... don't show anyone, okay?" He looked at me, showing me trust in his eyes.

I nodded and walked to the door. I paused when I put my hand on the door knob I turned as I heard him call my name.

Valentine took my face in the tips of his fingers and my eyes fluttered close as he kissed me softly. He bowed his head and I shivered as he spoke into my ear, "That's more respectable for a first kiss, don't you think?"

And he kissed my cheek and opened the door for me. I walked out of it backwards, my eyes never leaving his. He smirked mischievously, like it was our little joke and slowly closed his door.

As I walked to my room, I couldn't keep a smile from over throwing my face. I wanted Valentine Morgenstern. And I wanted him to be _mine._ And I think, that maybe, he was beginning to be.

**Its a bit numb, not as much emotion that there seemed to be when I wrote it. Basically I see the school in Idris to be more of a boarding school, Luke and Jocelyn have rooms in the dormitories because they live in the country and we don't know about Valentine as far as I can remember so yeah. **

**REVEIW! **

**FW ;{)**


End file.
